Saying Farewell Well

One of the challenges of living in the kind of close-knit community we enjoy here at Wycliffe Hall is saying farewell when people leave. Every year we have commissioning services and graduations, and have to say goodbye to people we have become close to over the previous months or years. 

This is of course not unique to a place like Wycliffe. It is true in different ways in all churches and other organisations; we're often having to say goodbye to people we have got to know well. How are we to do that in a way that leaves these relationships in a good place, ready to be rekindled in the future? 

Jesus spent a significant time preparing his disciples for his death, resurrection and ascension. We see this in the farewell discourse of John chapters 14-17. He wanted them to trust in God, and to await the gift of the Holy Spirit. He urged them to walk faithfully in his teaching. He also told them that they could be confident that one day he would come back for them. Jesus wanted them to love each other as he loved them, and not to be surprised if they faced persecution for their faith in him. He also told them, and showed them, that he would be interceding for them, which must have been a great encouragement. Jesus wanted them to know all these things as he said farewell.

The apostle Paul also prepared people for his departure, as we see for instance in his speech to the Ephesian elders in Acts 20, and in his correspondence with Timothy in 2 Timothy chapter 4.  He wanted the churches to have a proper confidence in the teaching he had given them. He warned them about the challenges they would face, and he called on them to remain faithful to Christ through it all, by drawing on God’s abundant grace. Paul wanted them to go with God into all that lay ahead. Perhaps it helps to remember that the word, ‘goodbye’ developed from the phrase, ‘God be with ye.’ It is a reminder that as someone leaves us, whether for a short time or for longer, we want them to go with the Lord, and to enjoy God’s blessing. 

Whilst it is understandable that people wish to avoid painful farewells, these moments are opportunities to express appreciation, perhaps make apologies, and to try to leave the relationship in good order for the future. I'm always impressed when departing students write cards to people who have helped them during their time at the Hall, and the written format can work well. It also makes the kind of keepsake I was encouraged to start collecting when I was at theological college. These farewells, whether written or spoken, become the memories we can look back at on a rainy day when we need help gaining perspective on life. 

Saying farewell well can turn these painful moments into precious occasions, and strengthen us for the future. Goodbyes are an inescapable part of our lives. If we can find ways to embrace them, they can be turned to good, so that they too build up our common life. 

Reflection by Revd Dr Justyn Terry, Vice-Principal